Right, picture this: the Magic School Bus meets the Ibiza club scene. A convergence of two disparate but God-tier memories; one evoking the saccharine sweetness of childhood, the other, a decadent descent into debauchery of old. Imagine such a colossal melding of worlds could produce something magical, otherworldly, spectacular, that only makes sense whilst intoxicated. Picture, if you will, in your mind’s eye, the colour eruption of neon lights, the pulsating throb of bass, the giddy thrill of feeling alive. All within the confines of the humble bus. Picturing it? Well, the sweet and sumptuous chariot I speak of does exist…
THE PARTY BUZZ! (It’s not even called a bus…it’s buzz. This is how serious these guys are about partying). If you haven’t been, what have you been doing all your life? Thinking buses were only for public transportation like an idiot? Well, think again!
It’s kind of the Isle of Man’s answer to the open-top city tour bus, but instead of visiting sites of great historical importance you visit Manx boozers! Along this educational sojourn, you will traverse around the rest of our fair isle with a one-way ticket to SESH-VILLE.
Yeeeeeaaaah, you’ve seen it. You must have. You’ve probably heard it coming too, in fairness. The roads that are familiarly filled with bellowing engines on the TT course are now glorified by the muffled sounds of Basshunter and guess what? That crazy Swedish bastard was right; this big red contraption is all I ever wanted. And more.
It’s Vengaboys on wheels; a Vengabus if you will. You and your mates will advance into the night, like demented wolves, doing dirty stop-offs on your chosen route. In fact, come to think of it, this is actually the most extensive bus tour the Isle of Man has to offer! I for one am surprised the Department of Enterprise hasn’t snapped it up as one of their own. Get on it Skelly, lad!
Potential routes can take you to some of the Island’s greatest watering holes. There you and your assembled throng of inebriates shall become one screaming inferno of tuuuuunes and ale; an entity of itself, existing on a different plane to the “normies” who reside out-with the confines of the bus. Stop off at the Ginger to sample Ben Sowery’s finest ales or go to the historic Creg-Ny-Baa to tick that off your pub bucket list. Hit the Northern pub circuit or weep with immeasurable sorrow at the crumbling ruins of Nightlife; the broken dreams of sessions past as you cry/sing “now you’re gone, I realised my love for you was strong and I miss you here, now you’re gone”. You and your tribe leave Rammo, eyes brimming with tears and cursing that Swedish bastard yet again.
The opportunities are endless. Head to The Baltic, eat a pickled egg and throw it up on the bus afterwards! Or alternatively, don’t do that. It’s deeply frowned upon and you’ll lose your deposit.
Wherever you go, you’ll be sure to have a great time getting there because you may as well be cruising at an altitude of an airbus A380, you’ll be flying. Don’t get too emotional being on a bus though.
“Aww, the last time I was on a bus I was back in school.”
“Shut the f*ck up Sue, this isn’t a time to reminisce, it’s a time to party… buzz”
Unlike your school days the back seats on the Party Buzz are not limited to the cool kids. Cool kids sit everywhere on this bus; this is as inclusive as buses get! This bus is pro-EU, man! Down with Brexit! And instead of the grouchy and disinterested driver of days gone by you’re greeted by two men who make you want to strap in for the night of your life. Wait…that sounded better in my head.
Anyway, there’s plenty of time to bask in the warm glow of your glory days.The bus itself is the living embodiment of Nightlife & Paramount but on wheels. Everything on wheels is better! Meals? Hell yes, come to me transporting foodstuffs! Wagons? Get in my mouth you chocolately sl*t! Vouch for me when I say a nightclub on wheels is even more of an achievement in the history of mankind.
Remember back in the 90’s when people would just come up to you in the street and tell you there was a party in their pants and everyone was invited? A bit of a weird invite for an orgy in retrospect. Point being, the new saying that’s ALL THE RAGE is “There’s a party on my buzz (bus) and everyone (who has paid in advance) is invited”. Honestly, you can’t go anywhere without hearing that these days.
The Party Buzz has become a rite of passage for any Manxie. It’s very very similar to the Parish Walk: You have to try it at least once in your lifetime, you may come out of it with blisters in questionable places and by dusk you’ll probably end up in a church violently weeping, but by golly it’ll be a laugh.
So, dance, drink (responsibly) and have fun. Maybe finish the night off at Peggy’s (if the bitch ever decides to re-open)? Or even stay on the bus forevermore; a never-ending journey through time, space, pickled eggs and jager. The ghost of piss-ups past literally transporting you through your own bleary-eyed nostalgia. Are you an Ebenezer Scrooge or an Ebenezer Booze? You know the answer.